{"id":1033,"date":"2023-06-09T11:23:17","date_gmt":"2023-06-09T11:23:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dugasamrvicama.com\/?p=1033"},"modified":"2023-06-09T11:30:45","modified_gmt":"2023-06-09T11:30:45","slug":"mama-i-mrvice-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dugasamrvicama.com\/index.php\/2023\/06\/09\/mama-i-mrvice-2\/","title":{"rendered":"MAMA I MRVICE"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Sje\u0107am se dok sam bila trudna, svaki nagovje\u0161taj novog \u017eivota li\u010dio je na idilu. Te divne \u0161etnje sun\u010danim danima po nasipu, to gugutanje, te ru\u010dice i prve rije\u010di, voljet \u0107e igra\u010dke, sve \u0107e jesti, spavat \u0107e cijelu no\u0107\u2026.Imala sam sre\u0107e, jer puno toga se stvarno ostvarilo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

 Ali, nije bilo jednoroga po nebu. \u017divot se promijenio u totalitetu. Kako se rodila Elena, na\u0161 \u017eivot polako postaje jedan veliki ubrzani triler. Pa krenimo od jutra\u2026
Alarm me budi, 05.00. je ve\u0107. Ustajem te\u0161ko, otkidam se od usnulog jastuka. U zadnje vrijeme nedostaje sna, kroni\u010dno. Krenem u kupaonu i ve\u0107 sla\u017eem popise. \u201d Moram, moram, moram\u2026\u201d. Da nije popisa, pola toga ne bih napravila. Isprazni su\u0111ericu, skuhaj \u010daj i kavu. Trebam kupit novu termosicu, ova vi\u0161e ba\u0161 i ne dr\u017ei. A toplu kavu trebam. Obla\u010dim se brzo. Sre\u0107a, pripremila sam sve na ve\u010der. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bude se cure. Pospremam krevete. Samo \u010dujem sebe kako po\u017eurujem sve redom. Spremam gablec. Torba mi je premala. Ubacujem kindle, tablet, klju\u010deve, mobitel, planer\u2026Te\u0161ka je torba, kao breme ovih dana. Trenutak poslije, ve\u0107 grlim cure, sla\u017eem jaknice. Visi im coflek na kapici. Moram upalit perilicu kad do\u0111emo doma\u2026U autu zadnje upute za dan. Odi tamo, mora\u0161 ono\u2026,zovnut \u0107u.. trebali bi\u2026 Izbaci sme\u0107e, ako stigne\u0161. Izvadi meso iz zamrziva\u010da, kupi maline i jogurt\u2026 Budem! Sve budem! Jutro prolazi kao u bunilu i ve\u0107 \u010dujem zvuk \u201d piiip\u201d, do\u0161la sam na posao. Svoju plavu karticu vi\u0111am \u010de\u0161\u0107e nego prijatelje. Istovremeno kucam pass na ra\u010dunalu i pripremam papire. Treba pospremit stol.. Tr\u010dim nasut vodu u bocu. Trebam je ponijet oprat u su\u0111erici. Bacam se na mailove, zvoni telefon, kopiraj, skeniraj, mailovi, pi\u0161i, pi\u0161i, pij vodu, pazi na rokove\u2026pojedi gablec uz ra\u010dunalo. Ne zna\u0161 da si jeo. Mora\u0161 zavr\u0161it, projekti ne pitaju. Telefon, mail. Nepoznat broj. Pretrne\u0161. Mo\u017eda zovu iz vrti\u0107a. Mo\u017eda se ne\u0161to desilo. Sre\u0107om, samo je tele prodaja. Cijelo vrijeme upisujem stavke na \u201d to do\u201d listu. Skuhati ru\u010dak, odjurit logopedu, kupit poklon. A joj, nemam ni ukrasni papir,.. bacit uvelo cvije\u0107e, slo\u017eit \u010dist ve\u0161, zar \u0107e stajat na krevetu danima, stavi na popis \u010di\u0161\u0107enje balkona i odlazak ginekologu\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ve\u010der nije ni\u0161ta bolja. Idemo dalje.
Kupaj cure, pripremi sve za vrti\u0107. Sjeli smo za stol ve\u010derat kao obitelj. Ve\u0107 sam ustala stotinu puta. Dodaj \u017elicu, dodaj maramicu. Prosulo se, donesi zdjelicu, odnesi lonac. Sjedam za laptop, a u pozadini \u010dujem reklamu \u201d Napravi pauzu!\u201d. Koja ironija! Po\u010dinje dnevnik. Po\u010dinje webinar. .Zapisujem bilje\u0161ke. Cure jo\u0161 ne spavaju, obnova jo\u0161 ne ide tempom kojim bi trebala. Nije mi jasno kako mi vijesti ulaze u uho. Ne zaboravi stavit post, poslat izvje\u0161\u0107e, prati timove, stavi temu\u2026su\u0161ilica je gotova. Bijeli ve\u0161. Smotaj. Po\u0161alji mail kolegi, za\u017eeli sre\u0107u na novom poslu, po\u0161alji poruku prijateljici. Upravo ra\u0111a.. Red je\u2026I odjednom, mir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Smirio se dan.
Samo no\u0107. Samo umor.
Ni\u0161ta vi\u0161e.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tim tempom \u017eivimo ve\u0107 nekoliko godina. I ne samo mi, \u017eivimo svi. Zapeli smo u svoje kolote\u010dine, vozimo brzinom koju jedva kontroliramo. Ve\u0107 nam je i mu\u010dno od prebrze vo\u017enje, ali nemamo mogu\u0107nost zaustavit se ili barem usporiti. Sre\u0107om, motor nije star, mada mu ne bi \u0161kodio servis. Samo zbog provjere.
Kad dan zavr\u0161i sru\u0161imo se ispred TV-a, bleje\u0107i u Dnevnik. O\u010di idu u kri\u017e , a mozak je ve\u0107 kao sa\u017evakana guma. Ba\u0161 mi je to fascinantno.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Nakon \u0161to djeca zaspu bla\u017eenim snom, na\u0161a briga o njima ne popu\u0161ta. Svaki \u0161um u njihovoj sobi rezultira munjevitim trkom da se provjeri je li sve ok. Mo\u017eda su se otkrile, mo\u017eda trebaju vode, ru\u017eno sanjaju, mo\u017eda rade gluposti\u2026..Poput pravog sibirskog hr\u010dka, \u010dije \u017eenke promijene kemiju mozga nakon \u0161to dobiju svoje mladunce, tako i ja. Bdijem. Na svoju \u0161tetu.
Cijeli mi se svijet vrti oko te dvije \u010dupavice. I ne bi to bio problem. To sam izabrala, ali nisam izabrala da nepovratno gubim komadi\u0107e identiteta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doslovno\u2026.Po\u010dela sam zaboravljat, stalno multitaskam. Vi\u0161e ne znam \u0161to \u017eelim, \u0161to volim, niti gdje sam.
Ve\u0107ina mama se upravo osje\u0107a kao da je \u017eivot na \u010dekanju. Ili jo\u0161 gore, kao da vi\u0161e nikad ne\u0107e vratiti \u017eivot u onaj ritam koji je imala prije djece. Realno, u pravu su. U takvim situacijama, ne prepu\u0161tamo se o\u010daju. Niti imamo vremena, niti je dru\u0161tveno prihvatljivo. Neka super-\u017eena-mama-kraljica \u0107e nas poklopit, pa \u0107e o\u010daj biti jo\u0161 gori. Onda ti jo\u0161 netko doda sol na ranu, pa zapapri komentarom kako kukam bez veze, a djeca su mi po cijeli dan u vrti\u0107u. Maramico, namjesti se da suze usko\u010de!
Nema rasprave u tom momentu. Stisne\u0161 zube i odradi\u0161 \u0161to treba.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ali, tu i tamo, negdje ispod kreveta, primijeti\u0161 mrvicu sebe. Malu, bezna\u010dajnu. Kad je bolje pogleda\u0161, u njoj se kriju tvoje ambicije, \u017eelje, htjenja\u2026
Neke drage slike u kojima se glasno smije\u0161, ple\u0161e\u0161, pjeva\u0161 kao da sutra ne postoji. Muti\u0161 \u0161lag za tre\u0107u tortu danas, sadi\u0161 kaktuse i gleda\u0161 u plavo nebo dok ispija\u0161 d\u017ein-tonik. Nekako ti je ko\u017ea zategnutija, celulit je samo naslov, crvenim slovima ispisan na front pageu tvog najdra\u017eeg portala. Za tebe postoje knjige, doga\u0111anja, duge \u0161etnje, ve\u010dere u restoranu\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Planira\u0161 vikend, dru\u017eenje, \u010di\u0161\u0107enje ormara. Postoji\u0161. Kompletno. Ne rasipa\u0161 se okolo.
I onda se djeca probude.
Pa te grle, jako, najja\u010de!
I shvati\u0161 da se u tebi sla\u017eu neke nove mrvice, ba\u0161 na mjesta gdje si one stare pogubila.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sad si nova. Druga\u010dija, sa novim mrvicama. Potpunija.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sje\u0107am se dok sam bila trudna, svaki nagovje\u0161taj novog \u017eivota li\u010dio je na idilu. Te divne \u0161etnje sun\u010danim danima po nasipu, to gugutanje, te ru\u010dice i prve rije\u010di, voljet \u0107e igra\u010dke, sve \u0107e jesti, spavat \u0107e cijelu no\u0107\u2026.Imala sam sre\u0107e, jer puno toga se stvarno ostvarilo.  Ali, nije bilo jednoroga po nebu. \u017divot se promijenio […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":805,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1033","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-m-m","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"\nMAMA I MRVICE - Duga sa mrvicama by \u017deljka Peji\u0107 Benko<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dugasamrvicama.com\/index.php\/2023\/06\/09\/mama-i-mrvice-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"MAMA I MRVICE - Duga sa mrvicama by \u017deljka Peji\u0107 Benko\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Sje\u0107am se dok sam bila trudna, svaki nagovje\u0161taj novog \u017eivota li\u010dio je na idilu. 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